​Being an Empath is hard, it’s a time where you meet with family, and sometimes those connections can get overwhelming.  I think much of this has to do with our hard line and that family connections are sticky and rather permanent.  I think some of this has to do with familial love expectations and the human tendency to let other people down without intention. 
 
If you are like me when dealing in familial matters you stay towards the bottom of the needs chain, go along to get along, and provide support to those who have immediate need of you.  I always put myself last; some of this has to do with Rules #1 (Don’t be that guy) and #2 (Control your Controllables).  These two bits of sage advice keep me out of most of the harm that this world has delivered me in my past, but they make me a bit too careful, and a bit too quite at times.
 
So with all that said, how do you deal with your own love expectations within the holiday timeframe?  Even more importantly: how do you take a backseat to, and love / support those in your family willing to be that guy / gal to get their love expectations met?  I’ll be honest here, this is where I’m struggling, this is the source of the article, and these are the questions I don’t have an answer for, so I’m going to walk into this conversation without a plan and everything that follows is me personally walking through a process of reasoning with current pain points.
 
I’m going to address the hard line piece of this with some confidence as I pick up everything and although connections with parents, sisters and brothers can sometimes wane, in my experience they never truly go away.  My best piece of advise is to try and sneak away for that needed bit of me time.  Gyms, pools, tracks, libraries are everywhere and most of them have a day rate.  It’s worth the money for a bit of solitude, so find your space and time to disappear, and allow some of the connection to dissipate while you distract yourself and provide calm.  You may have to preplan a bit because not all facilities will be open, but taking your most recent book to the car and reading for an hour in a vacant parking lot with the heater on full blast can be better than the bombardment of emotion and the 20 year old bed that makes you back hurt.   When you get back to your place, utilize your rituals and tools developed in your own home to destress.  It’s truly good to have your own bed. I get back to my routines as quickly as possible.  I also like to utilize an ionic bath with Epsom salts to detox by body.  These things help to re-establish baseline.
 
Ok, now for the love expectations.  Families fight over this all of the time, and it’s usually pent up energy from past slights that have not been resolved.  Instead of resolution they have been ignored and distanced, but all of those feelings have now come back in a flood of emotion as that individual is standing face to face across a kitchen counter, and all of a sudden you can’t stand how they are chewing that cookie.  Fight or flight takes over and you burst or bolt.  This get’s even more difficult if there’s a baby in the mix getting passed around, although maybe not equally due to prior set familial bonds.  The best way though, is directly through.  If it’s a fight that leads to a conversation, then so be it, it’ll clear the air a bit.  One thing about family is that they can’t technically leave you forever because next year, most likely you’ll be watching them eat another cookie.  So, bring it up, try to stay cool and lean into the conversation with, “it really hurts me when …”, then acknowledge your own shortcomings around love expectations with something like, “I realize my expectations are high around spending time with….” 
 
I’d like to make a  point about communication and psychology, to remember that is very important about family; if there is a “but” in the sentence, everything after that “but” word is the true message, and everything in front of “but” is because they love you and want to soften the blow.  Sometimes this is what you’ll get and it’s important to see the before “but” statements as love.  The after “but” statements might hurt, but it’s important to not overreact because communication and family is a two way street and even I choose to not be last in the family dynamics by force.  I want to reside my place as a foundational block by choice and try to keep the peace.  That’s tough to do when you are taking on everyone, and the energy is high or heated.  So let’s try and have those conversations in 2022.
 
By the rambling nature of the text above you can see that I’m still in the middle of this one a bit, it’s not fully sketched out, but I think it’s important.  If I were the version of myself from 20 years ago, this would be a poem and a broken journal entry that would take up pages of incoherent ranting, but in effort to help both you and I, I’m blogging it.  I hope you appreciate these efforts as I hope our families appreciate our efforts as Empaths naturally tuned into love and support over the current and future holiday seasons.
 
Much love Empaths, be strong but not too strong,
Arlo
 
 
“If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. If you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
                Lilla Watson, an Australian Aboriginal Elder
 
#Feltitinmyheart
#Sendthelove
#Payloveforward
#Givelove
#Payitforward
#Bekind
#Helpothers
#Empath
#EM-Path
#Empathlove
#Empathtoselflove
 

Hello All,
 
I’m going to do a cross platform post today between Empath Love and FeltIt InMyHeart Press because most days they are linked, but today they are very linked for me.  I often take a look at life as Yin / Yang and today is one of those days where; Yin is the loss of a friend, and Yang is helping those less fortunate.
 
My world this week has been a bit empty, I lost a childhood friend at an age that I personally consider unacceptable, because he was a year younger than I.  He was a great friend, amazing family man and world traveler, not only that he was an inspirational genuine good guy.  To honor him I’m going to tell the story of how we met.  I was 10 years old, new to town and in a new Boy Scout Troop.  He was 9 years old and needed someone to share a tent with.  I was happy to help out as friends were in high demand in my life.  He was a goofy kid on first impressions, keep in mind this is a Pot / Kettle / Black / situation because my goofiness is well documented.  With that said, we got along pretty well over the course of boy scout camp which was 4 nights, each of which we spent talking and forming the foundations of our friendship.
 
My favorite moment from the week goes as follows;  through the grapevine of boy scout camp we’d found out that the root of the State Flower of South Dakota which was abundant in the area contained a version of Novocaine, and if you were to chew it, your mouth would go numb.  So… we dug some up, rinsed it off and that night chewed on some American Pasque root.  With some hilarity we found out that it worked, and we could no longer form clear words.  In true boy scout fashion, we decided to try to tell each other scary camp stories without the ability to feel our tongues.  This attempt quickly degraded into mumbled ghost sounds accompanied by rivers of drool, as we laughed ourselves to sleep.
 
This week / Today, the world feels a bit more empty, and I know that this is the Empath inside of me missing his earth bound spirit.  I’ve found these bonds to be irreplaceable and they leave a hole in our lives, our hearts, and they remain somewhat unfilled.  I miss him dearly and with time and patience hope that he finds my much weaker / less clear ability to communicate across the other side.
 
With all of that said, the hole left behind may not be able to be filled completely, but it can be mended, and it can be reasoned with.  How?  Well yesterday I gave books due to the giving program within the Children’s book program of FeltIt InMyHeart Press’s ‘Buy one Give one program’.  I don’t sell much, so it’s not a regular occurrence that I can give, but it feels so good!  I had spooled up 10 total copies, 1 My Little Luminaire, 3 Sonic the Flatulent Reindeer and 6 Bumble the Yeti, The Power of Yet.  I gave these copies to Eve’s Place here in Sun City, it’s a domestic abuse shelter for families and youth.  I’ve lamented in the past about how it can be difficult to find quality places to give books, but upon referral from another local charity, I reached out and was thrilled to receive a warm reception.  I was welcomed into a heavily fortified outdoor waiting area by a guard and welcomed to a table where I could sign books.  I had a delightful conversation with the staff there, and know that I will be back to give more books in the future.  The staff stated that the books will be used as Christmas presents and are sure to make a difference, this of course was music to my ears.
 
The point and summary to this is; we can’t always reason the pain in our lives, it’s often unexpected and hits like a hammer, then we are left with the holes.  I’ve found that my best way through is to try and reason with that hole, but also counteract it through acts of love and charity.  I give back, I pay it forward through Yang (Forward nutritive motion) and this is what I’m all about, thus the book business and it’s giving philosophy.
 
As for my friend, I miss you dearly, I miss the thought of you jet setting around the world and bringing smiles wherever you go, and to all that you come in contact with.  You made an impact on my life, and for that, I thank you, miss you, love you.
 
Keep flying, keep smiling Sir.
 
Much Love,
 
Arlo
 
 
#Feltitinmyheart
#Sendthelove
#Payloveforward
#Givelove
#Payitforward
#Bekind
#Helpothers
#Empath
#EmpathLove
 

I’ve been offline for a bit because to be honest, regardless of how strong I get as an Empath, stuff get’s too heavy for me.  As it turns out, I despise self-promotion, so this very admirable trait, makes trying to sell books miserable.  Good thing I don’t’ give much attention to money either or I may be more bothered by this. I guess I’m happy enough with legacy and the thought that I might break even on my writings prior to death….  I digress….
 
It appears I’m being pulled back by tea bag wisdom.  I often enjoy a brand of tea that puts little bits of wisdom on the paper tag.  Today I look and it says; “Forgiveness is an act of consciousness”.  I’ve written at great length about forgiveness as it’s a cornerstone topic within both Saved with Honu, and Empath to Self Love, but I’d not quite considered it in this context, or rather the context that “Forgiveness is an act of consciousness” birthed.  In trying to come back to myself I’ve been looking at almost everything in terms of Yin and Yang in search of the center, Qi.  It’s one of the ways that I choose to balance and analyze my world and find my best Empathic self.
 
With that said, I considered “Forgiveness is an act of consciousness” as Yang, and thought as Yin; What if forgiveness is in a subconscious state?  As I went down this clustered mental question I considered forgiveness as a selfish act of necessary balance as I taught in Saved with Honu, I also considered it as a passing on of love as I taught within Empath to Self Love.  When I got to the bottom of this thought I devised that forgiveness in a subconscious state would be a cornerstone to enlightenment, just as unconditional love in a subconscious state would be a cornerstone of enlightenment.  It was with this thought I wanted to add a step to Empath to Self Love’s progression of steps.  But wait there’s more….
 
Considering the steps, and myself in the mix, how I’ve lived and progressed through them I think forgiveness in a subconscious state is a really high bar.  It would require banishment of all resentment, all attention that we pay to the “I should have said that” statements before they even come to mind.  We would need to first master this internally; as we chew our nails, pick at that scab, and find ever more creative ways to criticize ourselves.  Then to forgive all of those moments that are external prior to thought progression, such as traffic, and those people in the grocery store that block the whole isle.   Is it too much to ask?  Ok, then how about all of the Empathic intrusions that you pick up, channel and have to work yourself out of?  Are those forgivable at a subconscious level?  I ask, because if this is the bar, I’ve not made it.  I don’t self-berate, but boy oh boy traffic, and empathic crowd noise are tough.
 
Send me your thoughts, I’d like to know what you think about this potentially being the high bar for enlightenment and if you think it’s possible, or are we inherently flawed as humans to a point that it’s not possible, yet?
 
Much Love,
 
Arlo
 
 
#Feltitinmyheart
#Sendthelove
#Payloveforward
#Givelove
#Payitforward
#Bekind
#Helpothers
#Empath
#EM-Path
#Empathlove
#Empathtoselflove